is my half birthday.
hehehhe :) i am 20 and one half years old.
only sixxxx more months until i can be 21.
yeah, i worked on this in the darkroom today. its an old digital collage, but i wanted to print it in the darkroom sooo i did. this prints bad but i'm going to use it for our demo on thursday for handcoloring. with nailpolish and thread and coffee and anything else you can imagine. i'm really excited. i think its perfect for that, like a coloring book almost. iii can't wait.

i just got a phone call about graduating. its so stressful, i feel the same as spud did when she told me how frustrating it could be when everyone asks about grad school. LIKE WOAH, i just graduated. let me enjoy this. you know i just want to be done. going to columbia has made picture making a chore. i just want picture making to be what it was when i just wanted to remember every single detail of every single day. where did that light-heartedness, care free, but strangely pack rat enjoyment go? you know, the girl that made everything more weird and awkward then it really needed to be. but she loved herself for it. and found the good things in people because of it.
when did living become a chore. i don't ever want the 9-5 lifestyle. fuck columbia seriously. bfa. or ba whats the fucking difference, you kiss a little bit more ass and $$$$$ more for the word fine?? bachelor of FINE arts. congratulations, you're artistically living a "9-5 lifestyle" when taking pictures becomes for myself again. then ill be myself again.
gahhhh listen to me rant.
GROW UP. you're 20 and one half now.
i guess i'm just going through a_lot.
i guess i'm just growing.
i guess i'm just living.
i guess this is what people have to do. to meet the right people. to stay connected with the good people. and to run into the person when they're much older, much wiser, and much more ready. to breathe. breatttttheeeeeeeeee. <3

{ps} how diary is this blog becoming really? my half birthday is april 7th. its saying its april 6th. but it is not. it is 12:16 the sixteenth minute of april seventh. goooooodday.

1 comment:

  1. alysssssa. happyhalf
    i wish you didnt feel stressed about graduation and all that school stuff. i think they should make graduating a relaxing time. because youre almost done,,and it would be the schools way of thanking you for attending their school.

    i agree about photo, you have to do it because you love it and do it your way because it always comes out the best when pictures are made from love

    and not necessarily from assignments

    my teacher last year was always so strict about printing, and really wanted them to look "professional" and she would tell us we needed to spend hours in the darkroom perfecting our printing. with the right amount of dodging and burning, clean crisp borders, and just enough contrast. well thats great for her, but i dont like printing that way

    i like the spontanious and random things that show up when im printing for fun.
    like double and triple exposing my film,,,its so fun cause i never know whats gonna show up. its wonderful!

    i will never be a clean edges kind of person.

    i need to live in a land where people can SPILL